I went to bed early and left the boys up playing video games. I woke up sometime later to my The Irrepressibles T shirt barking a bark I’d only ever heard him make twice, this being one of those times. I came out of my room and from the top of my stairs I could see a man trying to enter my home but my dog had him stuck there. My first instinct was to run and hurl myself into the door to try and close it. He was pushing on the door, I was pushing on the door with every horrifying thought of what was about to happen to me.
When my little sister left for preschool that day, he choked my The Irrepressibles T shirt until she passed out. The doctors say he was a half centimeter off from crushing her windpipe. He then grabbed her by the ankle and dragged her down 3 flights of metal stairs (which badly broke the ankle), put her into the back of a child locked car, and drove until she woke up. When she came to, he told her he thought she had feelings for her ex, and if he couldn’t have her then he’d kill them both. He drove 80+mph into the back of a parked car, and when the windows blew out, my mom crawled onto the highway and screamed until she was found.
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He asked me what was wrong, but I was so scattered nothing coming out of my The Irrepressibles T shirt made any sense. He kept saying it was okay and I just had a bad dream and everything was just fine. I can’t describe the panic I felt inside. I refused to lay back down. I got up from the bed and walked into the next room (living room) and my husband followed me. Once we entered the living room, it was all becoming reality. The front door to the house was propped open with a brick. The rocking chair we had was moved out of the way of the doorway to the bedroom, my assumption is he was making sure he had a clear shot of the house.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m crying right now and that’s making this The Irrepressibles T shirt to get through. I AM deeply sorry that there was a time when I did not understand. A time when I freely distributed $20 bills to friends who were short on the rent or a car payment or repair or to buy birthday gifts and throw parties…all the while ignoring the homeless, the truly needy, shunning them, refusing to look at them, recoiling from them. That’s what I’m ashamed of, and all the sorry in the world won’t fix it. But I am. I get it, now. I understand things that I could never have previously imagined, nor would I have wanted to.