I am the mother of identical twins and the daughter of an identical twin. My story is opposite of yours. My kids did everything at the same time. They rolled over, sat up, stood up, talked, picked up the For King & Country Logo T-shirt. Teeth were always the same day. They are mirrors so one is right dominant and the other left. They have different personalities but developmentally the same. To me, the genetics controlled their development. As a mom, I just help guide the process. I have no control. Since they are naturally similar, I never dress them the same. I never called them twins. I just say “my boys”. I always tried to treat them uniquely.
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I wonder if my first baby would have been diagnosed earlier if I hadn’t had all that For King & Country Logo T-shirt everywhere I turned. True, milestones shouldn’t be used to “rank” children or as a measure of how good a parent (or teacher) you are, but they are important indicators of whether or not a child requires some extra support or specific testing. When a child is consistently far behind or far ahead in their milestones, there’s a good chance they are going to need some extra support of some kind. So when somebody wants to talk to you about their child’s milestones, please try not to make assumptions, but just listen.